Why You Need Boundaries w/ Your Phone In This New Digital Dystopia
Learning How To Pray, Paint, & Parent Again in a World Filled w/ Addictive Technologies
I think we all know deep down that our smartphones are zapping our prayer lives with God. We also know that they are inhibiting our connection with others face to face as well as our ability to create since we are in the mode of ‘always consuming.’ It is much easier to scroll through images on instagram than to go on a hike and stumble upon a natural wonder (or even to try and paint that scene of a waterfall or moss-covered log).
If this is the case for us ordinary folk, how much more so for monks. The writer Paul Kingsnorth once recalled visiting a monastery where he was greeted with the lovely sign: “All smartphones will be smashed beyond this point.”
These monks know that smartphones would be invasive and disruptive to the life of a their monastery and would most certainly inhibit the prayer of a visiting pilgrim. Allowing these types of devices would cut like a knife into their liturgical cosmos that must be carefully guarded, pruned, and allowed to grow in Christ for the sake of salvation (i.e. theosis). I’m glad that this monastery made this intentional decision, and it reveals to the rest of the world that we also need to be much more intentional about the boundaries we set up with technology in our own households.
Smartphones & ‘False Enchantment’
In an interview with Rod Dreher in 2023, Paul Kingsnorth offered more insights to what smartphones are doing to us:
Paul Kingsnorth: “We’re enchanted by phones. How many hours a day do we spend on them? We’re uninterested in confronting the direction that this is leading us in. We’re wrapped up in it. It’s just like a drug. People can’t take their eyes off of it. It’s doing what it’s designed to do. You’re being sold a story that this is your personal fulfillment, if you just give yourself over to it.
It’s like being elf-shot. I don’t know if you’ve come across that phrase. So the elves, in Anglo-Saxon mythology, would fire arrows into you. So if you were elf-shot, you would kind of lose your mind, you would lose your memory. They would find you wandering in the woods, and take you home. You would spend days recovering, if you ever recovered. When you’re elf-shot, something has been fired into your body by the elves that makes you lose part of yourself, your sense of self and place. That’s what living with the smartphone is like: being elf-shot.
Rod Dreher: So if that’s false enchantment, what would it be like to live in true enchantment, from a Christian point of view?
It’s a love of God and love of Creation. Instead of becoming enchanted by what you’ve created, you become enchanted by what already exists. You become enchanted by Nature. You become enchanted by the Creator of Nature. You become enchanted by the liturgy, by storytelling. You become enchanted by something you can never fully understand. Enchantment comes from mystery. You have to have mystery – mystery and beauty. Enchantment is putting yourself in right relation to mystery.
What you can’t do is enchant yourself with your own technological creation. That’s closer to demonic enchantment. It’s a darker thing. I keep coming back to the Eden story. What is the snake? What is Lucifer? He’s deeply in love with himself. He wonders why he should do what God wants, and why he can’t do it himself. That’s an attractive message, in a way, especially to the young: why the hell should I have to do what you tell me? That question is the basis of modern Western culture. We’ve all been there. And if technology is what gives you the power to live that out, what are you going to do? You can’t argue against it.”1
Most people will not throw away their smartphones after reading this nor am I asking them to, but we must recognize the problem that we have created for ourselves, particularly for our our own children and grandchildren.
I remember when I first got rid of my ‘Smartphone’ for a Wisephone almost 2 years ago. It was strange. I kept getting my phone out of my pocket to look at it, but there was nothing to look at… no social media notifications nor work emails. My device wasn’t the same sort of thing. It was gone. Sadly, it is a similar feeling that people have when they lose a limb. A soldier feels his leg tingle, looks down, and it isn’t there. This should tell us something. Smartphones are no longer a mere tool to makes us more efficient or more connected, but they have become apart of the Self just as much as limb. This is why I think the Wisephone II is such an important device. It has made the phone into a tool that can be wielded by us once again.
Check out the newly released Wisephone II here: www.wisephone.com/king (receive $40 off through my discount code KING or $50 off during this Christmas sale. )
If we want to have more room for prayer and painting in our lives, then we must find ways to create more digital boundaries in our homes. This reality becomes even more critical if we are parents raising youth. But it can be difficult to know where to begin, which is why we will continue exploring a little bit more of Phillip’s & Pauling's book below.
‘Smartphone-Parenting’ w/ Patience, Prudence, & Prayer
Author Robin Phillips writes in his new book, “Are We All Cyborgs Now?” coauthored with Joshua Pauling:
"The phone is as powerful a tool as the car--in fact, it is more powerful, since it is a reality-mediating device. Our children deserve nothing less than responsible training and boundaries” (Chapter 30).
Robin goes on,
"Many parents who have a no-tolerance policy with smartphones, when they do finally let their child have a phone, perhaps allow complete unsupervised access... The solution to these extremes is to reject binary thinking in favor of PRUDENCE. ... A responsible parent would not simply hand over car keys to a 12 year old, or even a 15 year old, and expect everything to be fine."
You wouldn't ask your 15 year old to drive from NY to LA in their first month of driving, but somehow we think they can navigate the very fast-paced, tempting, addictive, and even hostile world of social media! Instead, youth need “smart-phone driving lessons” that are carefully curated by their parents so that they can thrive in today’s world as followers of Christ.
Here is some more parental wisdom from "Are We All Cyborgs Now?"
Smartphone Driving Lessons: "One common mistake that parents make is to let their children move on to more powerful weapons before they have mastered the skills and virtues necessary of the lesser tools. For example, if your 14 year old hasn't developed good digital habits when it comes to text messaging (checking his phone every few minutes, replying to messages hastily)..., then bringing video games or social media into the mix is like expecting someone to swim before they can walk." (***The Wisephone II aids parents in monitoring text message use and delaying many apps until they have matured).
A Cleaner, Safer Phone: "When you give your children a phone, you are giving them a p* rn&gr-phy delivery system... Many parents think they can solve this problem with parental monitoring apps. But this typically results in the child getting caught, and then feeling so much shame and self-loathing that the child is driven into more secretive behaviors in the future. Better to be preemptive to decrease the likelihood of the child finding it in the first place... The best way... is some form of digital minimalism, from restricting access to smartphones to keeping electronics in a public part of the house... Even if you do everything right in the home, your child may be exposed... from a friend's phone, even a friend at church... Have age-appropriate open conversation about... intimacy from a positive biblical standpoint... Be frank about the temptations so your children know you're approachable if they ever to need to talk about their struggles or failures." (***The Wisephone II can be a huge help for parents since it has no web browser, social media, and all apps installed have been vetted. All content can also be seen on the family portal website where images/messages on the device cannot ultimately be deleted)
Digital & Physical Boundaries: "The principle is simple, what is ready at hand will be our default activity... instead of devices out and easily accessible, they (some parents) will make books and board games easily accessible. Instead of the TV or computer always standing at the ready, they place a guitar or piano at the ready." (***The Wisephone II takes the work out of this and automatically creates a physical boundary with no web browser, no social media, & no attention stealing apps like video games. A person cannot escape their 'unhealthy' smartphone since it is often in hand or pocket. The only way to be free from it is to hide it away in a designated room or even locked box).
Shaping the Adolescent Mind: "Parents may overlook a childhood bad habit, knowing that in time their son or daughter will grow out of it... But technological overuse is different since it can permanently alter the brain, especially in teenagers... Using clinical research,... they found that overuse of digital technology (especially gaming) causes atrophy in the parts of the brain needed for intuition, interpersonal skills, empathy, and emotional intelligence. The most devastating research comes in studies showing that, once lost, many teenagers can never get these brain regions back, as the adult brain solidifies the neurological habits of adolescents, resulting in perpetual immaturity... Small and Vorgan (researchers) are concerned that overuse of technology can permanentize the immature brain of the teenager; digital devices may lock their brain in a pattern of immaturity that they never recover from... This should be sobering for parents." (The Wisephone II can help create boundaries from addictive gaming since they cannot be on the phone via apps or web browsers).
Lastly, Robin Phillips mentions the importance of giving our minds space to pray, write, hike, and reflect which a lifestyle of digital minimalism can empower. (Excerpts taken from pg 382-405)
If you are still reading, thanks for hanging in for a long post! I believe we are in a very important moment as a civilization, which is why I believe this conversation around healthy technology and intentional boundaries is so important. I want to introduce Christ to as many people as possible as well as help parents re-orient their homes more towards prayer, mission, hospitality, and joy so that we can see Christ more often day to day (and so that outsiders can see Christ in us more too!).
So join me in this mission through your prayers and by sharing this important message with others.
May you continue to have a Blessed Nativity Fast and Advent,
In XC,
Kyle
See my full interview with Robin Phillips and Joshua Pauling below:
I have also provided the highlights of my interview with Wisephone II CEO, Chris Kaspar.