'Need-Love' vs 'Agape-Love'

Day 15/40 in 'The Art of Dying Well' w/ St. Robert Bellarmine

In the introduction to his book on the ‘Four Loves,’ C.S. Lewis writes, “I… think that if all we mean by our love is a craving to be loved, we are in a very deplorable state.” Lewis reminds us of something Bellarmine also speaks of—love is not ultimately a craving, a need, or demand, but it is a gift that is rightly ordered and in harmony with God’s creation. There is no love without sacrifice. There is no true love without a good conscience that also loves God and loves His laws that embed reality.

The New Testament uses the word ‘agape’ to speak of the highest form of love, which is ultimately supernatural in origin. Agape is given to us through God’s Spirit and is infused to us at our baptisms. It is intrinsically related to our relationship with God, our own salvation, and overall identity as a Christian. This is why St. John the Apostle can say that if we do not love our brother then the love of God is not in us (see all of 1 John!). C.S. Lewis also adds that love goes beyond loving our brothers, sisters, and friends, but also includes loving the stranger and the estranged. Lewis writes, “But Divine Gift-love in the man enables him to love what is not naturally lovable; lepers, criminals, enemies, morons, the sulky, the superior and the sneering.” Agape-love wraps it arms around its enemies and overwhelms evil with good. The clearest picture of this is when Christ prays for those who are crucifying him—“Father, forgive them!” This cry of Agape by Jesus then led a Roman soldier (who had just crucified Him) to confess Jesus as Lord!

This is why Faith and Love are inseparable and why Pope Benedict XVI stated that Catholics could believe in ‘Faith Alone’ if it was ironically paired with God’s agape-love. Pope Benedict XVI writes, “Luther's phrase: ‘faith alone’ is true, if it is not opposed to faith in charity, in love. Faith is looking at Christ, entrusting oneself to Christ, being united to Christ, conformed to Christ, to his life… St Paul speaks of faith that works through love (cf. Gal 5: 14)."

C.S. Lewis goes on, “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbation of love is Hell.”

One last quote from Lewis in the ‘Four Loves' and then we are on to Bellarmine!

“The invitation to turn our natural loves into Charity is never lacking. It is provided by those frictions and frustrations that meet us in all of them; unmistakable evidence that (natural) love is not going to be “enough”—unmistakable, unless we are blinded by egotism.”

St. Robert Bellarmine concludes chapter 3 on the nature of charity which is ultimately ‘Agape-Love’—

“Such a vain confidence has deceived many, and will deceive many more, unless they wisely learn while they still have time the Art of dying well. There now remains charity, the third virtue, which is justly called the "queen of virtues;" with this no one can perish, without it no one can live, either in this life or in the next. But that alone is true charity which springs from a "pure heart" it is "from God," as St. John says; and also more clearly St. Paul, "The charity of God is poured forth in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who is given to us." (Romans 5:5) Charity is therefore said to come from a "pure heart," because it is not enkindled in an impure heart, but in one purified from its errors by faith, according to the words of the apostle Peter: "purifying their hearts by faith:" and by divine hope, it is also purified from the love and desire of earthly things. For as a fire cannot be enkindled in wood that is green or damp, but only in dry wood; so also the fire of charity requires a heart purified from earthly affections, and from a foolish confidence in its own strength.

From this explanation we can understand what is true charity, and what false and feigned. For should we delight to speak of God, and shed even tears at our prayers should we do many good works, give alms and often fast; but yet allow impure love to remain in our heart, or vain glory, or hatred to our neighbors, or any other of those vices that make our hearts depraved this is not true and divine charity, but only its shadow. With the greatest reason then does St. Paul, when speaking of true and perfect justice, not mention simply, faith, hope, and charity: but he adds, "The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith" (1 Timothy 1:5). This is the true Art of Living and Dying well, if we persevere till death in true and perfect charity.”

More from Bellarmine tomorrow!

-Kyle